THE DAILY DISAGREEMENTMike Pope · A Pope Studios Publication

The Daily Disagreement · Satire

EducationBy Mike Pope2 minute read

District Introduces Anonymous Staff Survey With Mandatory Signature Line

Leaders promised complete confidentiality and included fields for full name, employee ID, building, supervisor, and a witness.

Mike Pope beside a fictional anonymous-feedback form that requires a full name, employee ID, supervisor, building, and signature beneath the satirical headline Your response is anonymous, please sign below.
Pope Studios original editorial image · Original Pope Studios composite using a real Mike Pope photograph and an AI-assisted fictional survey scene. No real school, district, employee, survey, administrator, or response is depicted.

A new anonymous climate survey gives employees a safe place to speak honestly—as soon as they identify themselves, their supervisor, and anyone who encouraged them.

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A school district has introduced a new anonymous staff-climate survey requiring employees to provide their full name, employee ID, building, supervisor, department, signature, and the name of anyone who encouraged them to complete it.

Officials said the identifying information is needed only to protect confidentiality.

‘We want people to speak freely,’ one fictional administrator explained. ‘We also need to know who spoke, where they work, who supervises them, and whether this has become a pattern.’

The survey opens with the question: How safe do you feel providing honest feedback?

Employees may select Very Safe, Completely Safe, or I Would Prefer to Discuss This Privately With My Supervisor Present.

A fourth option, Not Safe, was removed after the survey committee determined that it could negatively affect the district’s safety results.

Staff members are encouraged to describe concerns in their own words, provided the response fits inside the 140-character text box and does not include names, dates, departments, policies, decisions, or anything specific enough to investigate.

Each response will be reviewed by an independent committee composed of the superintendent, the superintendent’s cabinet, the superintendent’s executive assistant, and the consultant who wrote the questions.

To preserve anonymity, supervisors will receive only aggregated results for their teams, followed by a list of employees who have not yet submitted their individual surveys.

The district promised there would be no retaliation for critical feedback.

However, employees whose answers appear negative may be invited to a supportive meeting about tone, professionalism, and their apparent difficulty participating in a positive culture.

Leaders said the survey demonstrates a serious commitment to listening.

Results will be published in a report stating that 96 percent of respondents completed the survey and that staff participation was therefore overwhelmingly positive.

The remaining four percent will be contacted by Human Resources.

Anonymously, of course.

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