A school district has expanded its honor roll to recognize every person, department, platform, and chatbot that helped a student complete the assignment.
Officials said it was no longer fair for one child to receive all the credit for a project completed by a parent, a tutor, three teachers, an intervention team, two instructional apps, and an artificial-intelligence account shared by the entire family.
Under the new system, parents may qualify for High Honors by checking the grade portal twice a day, photographing missing work, rewriting the directions in the group chat, and finishing the poster after the student goes to bed.
Teachers earn Distinguished Academic Partner status after reteaching the lesson, modifying the assignment, extending the deadline, locating the missing paper, printing another copy, and reminding the student fourteen times to submit it.
Tutors, case managers, interventionists, paraprofessionals, coaches, older siblings, and whoever remembered the password will receive certificates in the category of Essential Support Personnel.
The district also created a new award for artificial intelligence: Most Valuable Group Member Who Was Never Enrolled.
One fictional administrator called the change a more accurate reflection of modern learning.
‘Education is collaborative,’ she explained. ‘That is why every assignment is completed by a team and entered into the gradebook under one child’s name.’
Students will still receive the letter grade because officials said it would be too complicated to divide the points among everyone who actually did the work.
At the recognition ceremony, each student will cross the stage accompanied by a parent, a teacher, a tutor, an intervention specialist, and a laptop opened to the original prompt.
When asked what the student contributed, the principal said the student showed leadership by clicking Submit.
School has become a group project.
We just finally printed the roster.
